He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
