i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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