I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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