I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
