I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
