dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
