I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Success! We fucked roommates!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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