Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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