So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
