Joe is yelling at the trees again.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
