Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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