Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
