Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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