Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
