i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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