Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
