well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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