last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
