saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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