If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
