Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
