the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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