It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
