Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
