Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
