Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
