My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
