every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
