hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
