I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
