My hair reeks of homosexuality.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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