After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
