I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
