similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
