i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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