3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
