today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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