I need help removing her.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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