I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i came on her dog
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
