I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
