i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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