Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
