Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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