i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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