I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Be still, my beating vagina.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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