I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
