census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
