On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
