Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
