Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
