Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
