This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
